Sandbag the Clydesdales
2014!
I’m a 6’4.5” tall guy. I weigh, on average, 185-190. I’m a pretty fast biker, averaging in
the top 25% of the B’s in cyclocross.
And I’m debating on gaining 10-15lbs of, I hope, muscle, before cross
season next year. Why you might
ask? Well you probably wont ask,
because you read the title to this blog.
I’m going to sandbag the Clydesdales!
Flash back to my 1st
year of bike racing. I did pretty well
in the beginners, after crashing or flatting out of my 1st couple
races, but then wining the 1st race that I kept my wheels to the
mud, and didn’t flat. I was
excited to try and win a big Portland beginner race later that week, but was
quickly shamed by Spencer Bushnell.
He said and I quote, “there’s no honor in winning a beginner race”. So I registered as a C in my 1st
more than 15 person cross race.
This one had about 110 racers.
I was very nervous, and rightly so, as a person who had put more miles
on my bike in the last 3 weeks than I had in probably the last 5-10 years… I was the epitome of a newb.
(I thought this was a bike race)
The race started, I was pretty
close to the back, feeling tentative about passing, it took me almost 2 laps to
hit my stride. I was finally
passing people and feeling fast and strong. I was getting to the point where I was wondering how far off
the leaders were, and if they were close enough to catch in our final 4
laps. I was riding hard, and
shooting for my new goal. All of a
sudden a strong and fast guy pushed passed me. He was killing it.
How could this fast guy be so far back? Did this guy have a mechanical? Before I could ponder it further another guy blew passed me
and then another. By the time the
race had ended I estimated that the top 5 guys had lapped me… I felt like shit. I felt ashamed… I was this big fish in the little pond
of Eugene getting 1-3rd in little races, then getting lapped in the
Portland big pond races. What business
did I have even coming up here to race?
Now I’m no slouch, I have been racing,
running racing, since I was 14. I
have been to districts or state every year of high school, and I was going into
this cross season after just finishing the Portland marathon, placing 75 out of
thousands, (second marathon that
year) in under 3hrs. I was no
slouch to racing. And I was ready
to hang up my clip in shoes, give up this biking stuff, and go back to running…
(see I'm a skinney runner)
It wasn’t until hours later on the
ride home with fellow teammate, veteran racer in the B’s Taylor Bushnell, that
I was informed with a laugh that I was just getting passed by the Clydesdales! I felt so much better. But over the season it made me think,
why are these fast guys racing in the Clydesdale race? What’s the point? Where’s the “honor”? I couldn’t find an answer, but it kind
of pissed me off. I decided the
category was even more of a joke than it was supposed to be. So I started trying to pack on the
lbs. Mind you this was about half
way through the season, so I didn’t have much time, and I was, coming off a
marathon, where every lb counts, and running 70 miles a week, so I was a svelte
175.
I almost did it. I gained 23 lbs in under a months
(almost a lb a day!). I had to try
really hard too. Luckily we
(Tensegrity) were sponsored by Ninkasi, and we had all the beer we could
drink. So I would stuff my face
meal after meal, plus drink protein shakes in the morning and then after my
workouts, as well as drinking at least 3 pints a night. But before I could hit that magic
200lbs the season was over.
The next year I was doing too good in the C’s, winning some
races and then being force upgraded into the B’s too frivolously put on
weight. So my plan was put on
hiatus. This year came and was a frustrating
year, this time struggling with having the time to train, and a little miss
training, kept me fighting to break into the top B’s. I have decided to not worry about the B’s and have fun next
year, so gain the weight over the next 9-10 months and join the Clydesdales.
Now I’m not sure if I will be able
to beet those fast Clydesdale guys, but I will try really hard. I kind of want to be heading for the
finish line obviously in 1st, and then at the last minute DNF. Or maybe win and just rant about it… Am
I just being a dick? My goal is to
hopefully get OBRA, or whoever make the decisions about how the categories are decided
to completely reform the Clydesdales qualifications. I mean as a 6’5” guy I could easily be 200+ lbs and have less
than 10% body fat. That’s not
right. I have been in races (as a
C) with the Clydesdales that seemed super fun. Guys getting bacon hand ups,
riding fat bikes, getting lapped 1-2 times by the top C’s (and Clydesdales). This should be a purely fun
category. There shouldn’t be guys
who could be winning B races in there.
I mean if you win the series your get a plate of hamburgers that could
make Wimpy ask for a doggy bag. Am
I just being a jerk, and seeing a problem when there isn’t one? I don’t know if it’s just the “fairness
alarm” I got ingrained in my mind from my kindergarten teacher mom. All I know is that I don’t think that
it’s set up fair. Do the heavier
set fun loving bikers have a problem with it? I don’t know… Would
some of them have more fun if they felt more competitive? Beats me… But I’m going to bull headedly jump in with both feet.
(Me feeling like a super hero!)
Here’s my idea of how to make it
fair the easiest. Do a height to
weight ratio. What’s wrong with
that? I’m pretty sure it’s on the
honor system already if you want to sign up as a Clydesdale. So if you put in a new system you don’t
really have to do any work. Other than the Clydesdale national championships in
bend where they actually weigh you, I’m pretty sure they can set up a ratio chart,
and a measuring stick next to the scale. I mean unless your under 6’ tall 200lb shouldn’t make
you a Clydesdale. Maybe even 5’10”,
the average height for a man, should be the 200lb mark. Have the ratio go 5lbs per inch either way. So if your 5'6" you only have to weigh 180lbs. I as 6'5" would have to weigh over 235. Thats 50lb more than I weigh now. Whatever it is I shouldn’t be allowed to race at just 200lbs. So
that’s why I will try to race as a Clydesdale next year. Maybe this blog will get the standards
changed before then, but I kind of hope not. I mean who doesn’t want to try and live out an idea? I will feel so unfulfilled if Kenji and
crew fix the glitch before I get to play with it. For all I know, as I write this, the rule could have already
been changed. I should probably
check before I post this.
Long story short. I don’t think some people should be
able to do something, so I’m going to passively aggressively try to ruin it for
them. Who’s with me?
Cheers.
(I checked on OBRA’s sight, and
they don’t seem to even recognize Clydesdale as a Cat, there for no rules, so I guess I’ll have to
make my beef with the promoters!
Either way, I don’t think they are trying to keep the big man or woman down;
I’m just too lazy to make a petition, or even email them directly. I mean what are blogs for if not to
bitch about stuff?)
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